Avtec Fundamental # 16: Listen Generously Case Study

Avtec Fundamental #16: Listen Generously

A few years ago, a teammate (Brad) and I called a meeting with another department to agree on a plan to resolve a complex issue with our web services servers. Given there had been some history of tension between our departments in the past, I was a little reluctant about the meeting.
Although there were a couple of tense moments during the meeting, overall it went well. We were able to cover a lot of complex technical data and put together a plan to address the issue.
After we left, I realized that Brad was very unhappy with the outcome of the meeting. Although we had walked into the meeting with a proposal that was much different than the outcome of the meeting, I was confident that the plan that

He replied, “You caved! You just took what they said hook, line, and sinker!! Why didn’t you stick to ‘our’ proposal?”
I was perplexed! How did we sit in the same meeting but have such different views of the outcome? Brad was a bright person and had a good grasp of the technologies involved. Why couldn’t he see that our previous proposal was flawed? I was confident in the new plan was a better solution given what I had learned in the meeting.
This evolved into a discussion where Brad and I talked through a many of the points that were hashed through in the meeting. I explained why some of the new data presented in the meeting made me recognize short-comings to our original proposal.
While talking with Brad, it became evident to me what had happened. Throughout the meeting with the other department, Brad had gotten so caught up in proving them wrong that he got locked into his point of view, only able to hear what supported his viewpoint. His brain was actively countering each of the other department’s points, constantly searching for some of their words to leverage to sell his point of view. He was so focused on this that he was totally missing the important points that were being