Emotional Reactions in Relationships: Are you a Tigger, a Piglet, or an Eeyore? When it comes to our relationships, it is just as important to gain insight into our own emotional reactions and tendencies as it is to gain insight into our partner’s. We are each born with personality propensities and a host of varied emotional reactions. When frustrated or angered we may run away and hide, lash out, cry, or do all of the above. When happy we may feel excited and joyful on the inside, yet appear calm and relaxed on the outside. Some people are like my wife, often bouncing around like the fictional character, Tigger, in the Winnie-the-Pooh stories by A. A. Milne. Her natural tendency when hearing good or exciting news is to squeal and bounce …show more content…
To connect or bond at an emotional level is the key to relationship health and satisfaction, and is the fabric binding individuals to each other. The best marriages are those in which spouses experience a deep sense of emotional connection, informing and enhancing each spouse’s emotional reality. Relationships suffer (and divorces more likely) when this bond or connection is threatened or even absent. Relationship safety is the confidence that we can be emotionally vulnerable and still find acceptance, understanding and support. The biggest danger occurs when we feel misunderstood, or judged or unsafe. When this happens, our levels of fear and anxiety increase, and these reactions in turn increase our spouse’s levels of fears and insecurities. The spouse then also reflexively reacts with their own set of coping strategies, which in turn inspires more feelings of insecurity in their spouse. Conflict and distress in relationship is driven by this cycle of emotional reactivity. When spouses begin to understand some of their own processes of emotional reactivity in the relationship, the new insights propel them toward taking greater responsibility for their processes, resulting in healthier self-awareness and hopefully
In our society today there is an unhealthy relationship among the spouses which has been described by the source “When he gets angry at home, he screams and is verbally abusive toward his wife. I have worried about his wife's safety on multiple occasions, as this screaming and verbal abuse is usually accompanied by him causing damage to their home. I've overheard him pounding on the walls and throwing things on the floor; I believe he has broken several pieces of furniture over the years. After his most recent episode, I watched him carry a broken chair to the dumpster later that day. ”Spouses fight all the time, argue and curse each other rather then solving the problem in a good way neither of one compromise or try to save the relationship.
He also recommends keeping balance between everyday attention and big romantic gestures; in his opinion, everyday small but nice things work better than grandiose but rare romantic gestures. In general, the characteristics of the “healthy” marriage are following:
Essay #3 Dr. Gottman Research/ “Masters and “Disasters” John Gottman is the therapist. He is an influential researcher on marriage stability. In Dr. Gottman’s research, he attempts to improve relationship without identifying negative behaviors. Dr. Gottman is the author of New York Times bestseller “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.” The seven principles are 5:1 Ratio, “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” 3 Ingredients of Friendship, Positive Sentiment Override, Soft Start-up, moving from Gridlock to Dialogue and Accepting Influence without resentment.
When the words “I do” escape the mouth of an individual, their life is forever changed. In this miniscule moment of time, they become legally bound to their significant other. This marital bond is built upon love, trust, respect, loyalty, passion, and much more. It holds great power as it brings many joy, stability, hope, and comfort. However, this bond could also wreak havoc on one’s emotional state if the trust is broken.
It is evident that marriage is full of ups and downs, but the way couples manage these fluctuations in their relationship determines the strength of their connection. Both partners in a committed relationship must feel the same way and work equally as hard to push through potential obstacles. Being devoted to the relationship can ensure that the marriage will be able to survive the hardships and maintain a healthy, successful marriage. The emotional hardships and positives that a married couple endures on a daily basis are presented throughout the entirety of the poem, “Marriage”, by Gregory Corso. Corso’s poem explores the pressures and factors that influence marriage and sheds light on Updike’s short story about a couple facing divorce.
Stress may also be increased in the healthy spouse because they have to constantly worry and make sacrifices in their lives, such as participating in hobbies, in order to care for their loved one with
Marriage represents a union between two people who can trust each other; however, in today’s society more people suffer from social isolation in reaction to their partner’s failure. Although society overflows with various ways to communicate, ironically many people feel like they have no one to confide in. In recent studies, the Washington Post proved, “more than double” of Americans felt isolated than surveyed in 1985 (Vedantam). In Shankar Vedantam’s article, “Social Isolation Grow in U.S., Study Says,” he distinguishes that 50% more people surveyed that their spouse is the only person they can trust compared to the survey of 1985.
Our relationship escalated as we In reference again to Gottman’s study of married couples, he emphasizes, “The difference between these two groups is that the nonregulated [-dysfunctional] couples make frequent, ongoing use of highly dysfunctional interactional processes and the regulated [-functional] couples do not” (Holman & Jarvis, 2003). Studies have shown that “…distressed couples engage in more negativity during conflict interactions. Negativity includes demands,
I am a strong proponent of attachment theory as a way of looking at what is happening in a relationship. While neither of us were completely insecure when we got married, I tend to align with researchers that see attachment more as dimensions, represented by anxiety and avoidance (Brennan, Clark, & Shaver, 1998). My wife was raised in a high-conflict household with a father suffering from undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder (he was later put on lithium). In my case, I was raised in a family that smoothed everything over, but did a poor job of confronting and dealing with conflict. The result was two people who did not have all their needs met, and who lived in families that did not always know how to process the inevitable daily challenges that might arise.
Researches state women report higher relationship satisfaction when they observe frustration or wrath of their partner as compared to their content. It’s not that women revel over it; rather they like men sharing negative emotions, they see it as a sign of openness, connection and communication. Conversely, men don’t like to share in their girlfriend’s negativity. Men’s relationship affiliation was linked to their ability to identify their woman’s happiness. The researchers suggest that men may feel that a relationship is threatened by their partner’s negative emotions, especially when they arise in the middle of a relationship related conflict.
Eric Bartels analyzes the difficulties of modern-day marriage in his article, “My Problem with Her Anger,” by examining his own marital experiences. By optimistic confrontation and resolution of his family’s problems, Bartels believes that not only will he save his marriage, but he will also be rewarded for his sacrifices (63). The author claims he realized the separation between men and women during his late night chores (57). To illuminate this separation, Bartels acknowledges that his wife contributes more to childcare than he does, but asserts that he tries to reduce as much of this pressure as he can through cooking, cleaning, and shopping (58). Despite the author’s attempts, he contends that his endeavors to decrease his wife’s stress
I believe that caring for one another is a foundation to relationship. If you care for a person, then you would want to make sure that person is happy. In 82% of stressed couples, one spouse is unaware that the other is unhappy. Communication is also another fundamental aspect to a marriage. (Pg. 220, 224, 235,
Attachment and authenticity are two concepts that affect how intimate someone is with their partner. Intimacy killers are things that can affect a couple’s relationship in negative ways. Sexual intimacy is something that can affect relationships positively or negatively. It is very important to understand how each of these things can affect a relationship.
Jensen, J. F., & Rauer, A. J. (2015). Marriage work in older couples: Disclosure of marital problems to spouses and friends over time. Journal Of Family Psychology, 29(5), 732- 743. doi:10.1037/fam0000099 Older married couples are among the many that seem to have life figured out for themselves. They represent the stages in life in which they have accomplished most of their goals and achieved success.
Effective relationships should be a common goal for all to strive for. The learner believes that there are four major signs that make us human; the need to love, the need to be loved, the need to be accepted and the need to be respected as an individual. None of these things can be accomplished alone, therefore, a relationship needs to be formed. The more effective the relationship the more these needs are able to be met. In the study of marriage and family we look into the areas that can either make or break relationships.